my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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