Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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