I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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