I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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