Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize