Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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