I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Text me some of your sweat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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