I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize