I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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