So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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