Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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