The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I touched a dick in church today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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