So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize