you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize