Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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