Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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