he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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