I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize