We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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