we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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