I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize