Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize