Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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