the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize