I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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