yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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