A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize