If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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