Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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