my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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