I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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