A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize