I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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