I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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