you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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