honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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