ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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