haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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