i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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