I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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