No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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