Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize