Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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