The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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