This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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