I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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