if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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