What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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