Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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