I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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