I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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