Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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